Hi, gang. Here’s another fabulous installment in, uh…my business life. Alt-Text for image: A washing machine with soap suds running out of it, overflowing. Because that’s what my brain felt like, ahead overflowing with uncontrolled doubt that wouldn’t stop! So, over the holiday weekend, post-Thanksgiving, I had basically a meltdown. It was all in my head, I stayed in bed all weekend with panic attacks because I was supposed to post every few hours with some info about requesting people to get on free 30-minute strategy calls with me. I completely, utterly, totally, freaked out and didn’t do it. I had the copy written, with the help of my business coaches, and just…froze up. I doubted, and the following word is in all caps, EVERYTHING!!!!!! Here are just a few of a ton of thoughts that ran through my head. – I wasn’t good enough to coach – Why would anyone buy my coaching? Coaches are so overrated and made fun of! – I didn’t believe in my message of Dis-Ability. – it’s all a bunch of shit! Shit, I tell you! So, what did I do for the whole weekend? Nothing. I knew what I should do but didn’t. I froze and doubted every thought that came into my head. I went down low, to some of the darkest places I’ve been in a long time.
I’ll not bore you with the details, suffice it to say it took a pep talk from Rick, my business coach, on Monday afternoon, to get me out of there. Here’s the kicker. One of two big kickers, actually. The first is that this sequence of events is not new for me. It’s been my M.O. ever since I started coaching. Without going into much detail, I took the first class from the Coaches Training Institute (CTI), and after the first day, I decided it was all bullshit and I was going to be my usual stubborn contrarian self and figure out a way to prove these people wrong. … … … Yeah, about that. … It didn’t work. My doubt only hindered me. Fast forward to this past weekend, and I did the same thing. I sabotaged my own self-worth and slammed myself against a wall of solid doubt, fear, and analysis paralysis. See where I’m going with this? It’s been a huge fucking cycle! Cycles repeat cycles repeat, cycles repeat, cycles …. you get the idea. The cycle, in bulleted list form, for me, looks something like this. – Information is received – Information is questioned for validity and usefulness – Information is automatically put in the trash bin before analysis is complete – fear sets in, anxiety and doubt take over – new information is received – the cycle repeats. Heres the second big kicker. Remember I told you that I had a call with Rick where he pointed this out to me as my M.O.? Guess what? I went through some drafts I had written that I wanted to make into blog posts. These were things I had written down while on previous calls with Rick. The most consistent word, in probably 4 out of 5 drafts, that I had written in the title, was … … yep, you guessed it! Doubt! Doubt, Doubt, Doubt, Doubt, and, Doubt! All I could do after reading those drafts was laugh at myself. The only line that came to mind was, and if you know the song, you’ll get the reference, “Isn’t it Ironic?” When people ask me what my hyphenated Dis-Ability is, the answer, of course, is, doubt! I want to do a Zoom call on Cycles of Doubt.
Expect this in the next week or two, complete with a presentation and q&A time in the end. Here’s one antidote to doubt that I want you to consider before then. The more doubt we have, the more unwanted things get stuck in our heads. To get rid of that doubt, think of things that you want to have happen, rather than what you don’t. There will be more bits of wisdom like this in my presentation on this future Zoom call. I’m sure you’ll have other ideas about doubt, so let’s try and break a cycle together on that call, sound good? Because I know for me, when I get into that doubting place and shut myself down, I push people away and the doubt only increases. Kind of like that washing machine up at the top of the post. It only increases and then overflows and feels like it’s never gonna stop. And who here reading this has never flooded a washer with too much soap? In the meantime, if this resonates with you, and if it doesn’t, I will doubt your true authenticity and washing abilities! let’s chat about it for half an hour Remember gang, the cycles of doubt, will knock you out.
Dave Bahr is the founder of In-Sightful living. He works as an advocate for persons with disabilities and a usability specialist. Schedule a Call with Dave here.